Sight Setting

January 2014

This is a photo from my birthday two years ago, during a trip to Puerto Vallarta with a companion who I've been with for over four years now.  

He is a wonderful guy, he knows everything about me, but he doesn't know Polarimbi. 

And every morning and every night I struggle with how, when, where, why I should tell him. 

I am so afraid of seeing that light go out in his eyes, the widening and then, inevitably, the sadness, and then the fear of a future that has suddenly become uncertain.  And then the look of panic, restrained, of what's to come and when IT, if ever, will come.

It a dreadful scenario to imagine, so dreadful and sorrowful that I choose to live in silence than to devastate him. This space is a tightrope between protection and deception. It is a line that wobbles back and forth, and I struggle to stay on.  

So rather than look down, I've decided that I must look upward and beyond. I've set my sights on a dream. What keeps me going? I draw from a reservoir of faith and hope. And I keep it filled by using every tool I can get my hands on.

If you are in pain, try try try to look up. Think hard and dream about something big and beautiful. 

Set your sights on that.

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