FLOWING

"Just go with the flow," he said, "Stop trippin' on what everyone thinks."

But sometimes we do trip on the tripwires, and the flow of life gets jammed up, nothing flows in the brain,
and I am paralyzed by the uncertainty of what comes next and the fear of
what everyone thinks and wonders about me.

And then what happens when the financial flow is cut off? The feeling of being drained while being in a holding pattern of not receiving support because the soon-to-be-ex-husband is paying the full mortgage while praying (to a God he doesn't believe in) that someone will buy the house, and then not being able to pay rent because of not receiving support and having the parents pray (to a God they fervently believe in) that their daughter's house will sell so that I will have a place to live.

And then, a miracle. A breakthrough to get things flowing again -- an offer from a family of four willing to move into a 2bedroom 1 bath house, a disclosure of humiliating debt, a negotiation to stay afloat, an agreement to preserve stability.

Keeping things flowing while trying to achieve, staying afloat, and finding stability is the goal. Mental, economic, physical.

Next up... flexibility and force.