IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH
4/7/07

I didn't sleep well last night, I was tossing and turning thinking about Dream Writer's comments about marriage on my post yesterday. They left me unsettled. I don't know, I'm not so sure that marriage is so black and white, and that we can so plainly distinguish what is right and wrong when illness, crime, abuse comes into the picture. Must such vows mean a life sentence, regardless of the circumstances? Bipolar turns everything upside down and inside out. Bipolar disorder can make the most devoted do and say awful things to each other, intentional or not. Is it a matter of forgive and forget? Does a man or woman who is being abused have to cling to those words: for better or worse?

Like I said, my heart really went out to the spouses who felt abused, abandoned, bankrupted, and did not know what to expect from one day to the next. I nearly did all of this to my husband, and he hung in there, but I just feel that no one should not have to endure such pain and uncertainty. It is seemed from many of the posts that I read, that many were hanging on as best they could, with hope and perhaps, even their vows in mind.

Of course, those of us who are bipolar do not want to abandon or be abandoned and lose the ones we love - we need support, we need our families, we need understanding -- but don't we also have to take responsibility for our lives and health? If we don't, then are we not upholding our part of the vows?

I am blessed to have parents, siblings, and a husband who have all been willing to understand and find ways to support me. I have been compliant with my meds, fortunate that they are working, and lucky to have a job where my management is aware and flexible. All those factors make it easier and possible to uphold our responsibilities and vows. But not everyone is so fortunate, and lucky, and that as someone who is bipolar, I would not be so judgmental about the choices people may feel they have to make.