Let Down
1.17.08

Sorry to have not been in touch for months (again). Inconsistency is part of this disease. I made a mistake back in October, dodged a bullet, but still got caught and wounded. It was a good thing, inevitable really, but horrible and devastating and humiliating and painful. I got through the past few months, but clearly can't resist the temptation to hit the self-destruct button. Apparently, to add further insult to injury, I have a compulsion disorder in addition to being bipolar. I am starting a new medication today, an anti-convulsant that sounds ironically like to-the-max. Meanwhile, I am avoiding all potential places where I can get into trouble and funneling my energy into taking care of my home, my garden, and most of all, my lovely son and husband, who continue to surprise me with their love, patience, and resilience.

I am exhausted, but I am doing the best I can to not let down the ones I love. At the end of the day that is all we can do.


You know, you know where you are with
You know where you are with
Floor collapsing
Floating, bouncing back
And one day....
I am going to grow wings
A chemical reaction
Hysterical and useless
Hysterical and...

(Let Down by Radiohead)