Tuesday, April 03, 2012

STICKY SUBSTANCES

Dear Polarimbi Readers,

I am in the midst of a meds shift. For those of you who don't know what that is, it means that I am going off one med and restarting back onto a previous med that had stopped working some months ago, but had been very effective in managing my depression. My doctor and I are hoping that it will be effective again after giving my body some time off of it.


In the meantime, while I wait for this chemical dance of imbalances to work itself out, I am stuck and it is yucky. It makes me grumpy. It makes me tired and I cannot tell whether what I am feeling is due to allergies, my staying up too late, procrastination, or sexual frustration. 


Ugh.  


Some years ago I posted about a mood shift feeling like I was wading through peanut butter. It is still, just like that.

Lately I have begun to wonder whether I will find another relationship of the long-term, unconditional, feel-good variety.  I feel pessimistic these days, and I fear that as I get older, it will become harder.  This attitude may be a function of my mood, but the reality is that we humans do tend to get set in our ways, with every sun that sets and rises. 

The only thing that seems to get better, stronger and clearer, is my writer's voice.  And that, is a damn good thing to smile about.  So if I'm going to be in peanut better, I might as well throw in some jam, eat, chew, and mull on it.



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